Starting today, your face, name, and personal information could appear in Google ads.
I love that when I unclicked the box, it said ‘Your friends will be less likely to benefit from your recommendations’ as if NOT having my browsing and searching history show up everywhere they look is a negative thing…
I guess my face and name will lend real credibility to the middle aged chronically depressed grossly unhealthy marginal poverty market.
HEY GUYS, SUPER IMPORTANT, GO AND OPT OUT ASAP.
Especially since it’s unlikely that any of us got told about this and it’s just a thing that’s happening without us knowing about it.
Oh for the love of God that makes me uncomfortable.
All to often, when a service though a large corporation such as Google is free, you are not the customer. You are the product.
I swear to GODDDD if I have to see Defined Lines on my dash one more time
I’m not even going to bother writing formally here because i’m just angry ugh
v good argument, read!
A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is
How Many Tweets is Too Many?
I’m just going to lay it on the line. I like tweeting David Cameron (@david_cameron if you’re interested). I like to tweet him at least a couple of times a week. I don’t do this because I’m an avid fan or a lifelong conservative. I have never voted conservative and probably never will. I have an intense dislike for the fact that he and his party forget they didn’t win a majority election. In fact there are many reasons why I dislike Mr Cameron but number one on my rather extensive list is his blatant disregard of women.
In April the Girl Guides issued a statement about why they are supporting the No More Page 3 campaign. You can read it here: http://www.girlguiding.org.uk/news/no_more_page_3.aspx Later that evening, Mr Cameron appeared on the News at 10 and fumbled a response about family responsibility. In an interview on Radio 4’s Women’s Hour Cameron said “This is an area where we should leave it to consumers to decide, rather than to regulators,” and yet somehow he has pressed forward reforms on Internet pornography, although The Sun’s page 3 would still be accessible. I fail to see the distinction and am frankly baffled as to the man’s logic.
Cameron dismissed Caroline Lucas’s call to remove The Sun from parliament and advised parents should switch off the TV ( hello, watershed) or in the case of page 3 “turn the page over”. That’s my personal favourite. That’s the one that really angered me. In that one dismissive statement our Prime Minister said it’s ok to look the other way when it comes to inappropriate sexual imagery in a “family newspaper” and female objectification.
Ever since Mr Cameron’s sound parenting advice I have been tweeting him on a fairly regular basis to ask him if he’s still happy with his decision to “turn the page” and turn his back on women. I don’t expect I will ever get a response and I’m sure the poor person who actually writes his tweets is sick of it. My tweets pale into insignificance compared with some of his other fan mail though!
I just cannot get over how a man put in power to represent the best interests of this country (ok, I know I’m being all ideal world here) can tell national media he is not supporting young women like the Guides AND GET AWAY WITH IT. With that stance, he’s not supporting any Women. Cameron’s turn the other cheek approach to female objectification tells the world it’s ok for our kids to see soft porn at the breakfast table. How exactly does one “turn the page” on the tube when another passenger flashes a young woman’s bare breasts at the rest of the carriage, I wonder? It also tells men that it’s ok to be sexually aggressive and worse. Much worse.
Mr Cameron doesn’t know what it feels like to be a small girl being leered at by men old enough to be her father because The Sun’s page 3 says it’s ok. I do! If you’re interested in my story you can read my blog about why I’m supporting the No More Page 3 campaign 1 year on.
I think I’m in a pretty good position to continue to question the judgement of our not-so-elected leader, so I’m going to keep doing it. It may be a small drop in the ocean but I’m not going to stop until page 3 is gone.
Am I harassing our PM? A better question is “how many women were sexually harassed today, or worse?”.
So how many tweets are too many? When it’s @david_cameron there is no such thing as too many.
you can find me on twitter @serem
Advice for Those Who Love People They Shouldn’t
1. You have fallen in love with the wrong person again.
2. Remember that he is the cage and you are the animal. He is your failing grace and the freckle on your eyelid. A blemish on otherwise flawless skin. Smooth out your skirt and do not look at him.
3. When he calls, do not answer. When he texts, do not answer. Somewhere out there is The One, and you will miss him if you’re too busy lusting after the pulse of a man who doesn’t even worry when he hears that you’ve been crushed under the pressure of living.
4. Somewhere out there is a man willing to swallow your sadness whole. A man who would sew flower seeds into your front yard, plant a garden down your spine and speak galaxies to you.
5. You’ve hung his name up in lights on the red carpet in your mind. Take the sign down. Let it rust in the back alley of your gut.
6. List his faults in alphabetical order: Anger issues, bad posture, crooked teeth, dangerous, emotionally fragile, fake, greedy, helpless, like a child –
7. Remember what you told your mom? The last thing you need now is a child.
8. If he makes you cry more often than he makes you laugh, do not let him back into your bed.
9. Some day you will both be dead, and you are wasting your time now. Rip the letters he wrote you to shreds and flush the remainders down the toilet.
10. Braid bravery in between the lines of your poems. You are not the weak girl he fell for years ago. Remember: he doesn’t love you. Unglue your heart from his and move on.
Made rebloggable by request!
Tips for Living With Someone Who is Depressed
This all probably seems very obvious, but to a young me, it wasn’t, and consequently I had to grow up really fast. I think it would have been good to have someone around to tell me these things.
- You do not have to be their everything. I used to feel incredibly guilty for getting out of school and only saying a quick hello before doing my homework. A lot of the time it was just us two in the house, and I felt bad if I didn’t then take on the roles of my other family members. You need to remember that you’re just one person, and you can only do so much. They aren’t expecting everything of you, no matter how much it feels like it.
- You are not there to cure them. When they say they feel alone, and you want to scream because you’re there, and always have been, understand that your being there will not stop them being depressed. Depression is a real and horrible thing and you shouldn’t seek to make someone better, because you can’t. It doesn’t mean they love you any less if they’re still depressed even though you’re there. Happiness is not dependent on other people.
- Respect their privacy, but if you’re struggling, get help. The person in my life wanted their depression to be a secret, because they were incredibly ashamed of it. Mental health is still really, really taboo. I went to great lengths to keep it a secret, but there came a point where keeping up with school work was hard, I was constantly exhausted, and the stress was taking its toll on my own health. I needed to ask for help. Remember that you matter too.
- You’re allowed to get angry at them, and you’re allowed to feel sad. Don’t feel guilty for feeling resentful towards them. Although in an ~ideal~ world we could care for other humans without feeling annoyed at them at times, the fact is that living with someone with depression is very hard. You may feel like your struggles aren’t as bad as theirs, and feel guilty about it, but if you live by the notion that there’s always someone worse off than you, your feelings are going to get bottled up, and when that comes out, it’ll be nasty. They didn’t choose to be depressed anymore than you didn’t choose not to be. Furthermore, although it goes without saying that you should actively try not to trigger them and never be malicious or use their depression against them, you are both still human. Everyone argues with their family members, and you’re still allowed to. If you notice warning signs in your own mental health patterns, do not brush them under the carpet because you feel as though your feelings do not hold as much value.
- If you find anti-depressants and weren’t aware they were being taken, do not feel as though it is your fault that you didn’t know. Do not think that because they didn’t tell you about something, it’s your fault. Most of the time it’s likely that they didn’t tell you because they didn’t want you to worry. Also, think about whether you needed to know. One’s health is still a ultimately confidential thing, whether it’s physical or mental. Similarly, if you find out they are having therapy, be pleased that they’re getting help, rather than angry that you didn’t know. They do not have to tell you anything.
- Some days are worse than others. When they don’t want to talk, don’t push them. You are not a counsellor. When you can tell they’re on edge, don’t wind them up. It isn’t funny. When they don’t come to your dance shows, dance the best that you can and know that they would be proud of you if they were able to be there. When they blame you for their depression, know that it isn’t true.
This is a list I made for YALSA’s The Hub on the wide range of YA literature featuring LGBTQ characters. See the full post and a downloadable pdf here.
Fictional Feminist Icon #1: Kat Stratford, 10 Things I Hate About You
With 100% of people voting it the best teen movie ever made (in a poll I conducted upon only myself just now), 10 Things I Hate About You is a ’90s adaptation of Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew, which- from a feminist point of view- could definitely have made it very problematic. Kat is the “shrew” who is “tamed” by her cishet male love interest, which doesn’t exactly scream “feminist icon”, but rather than her character being a product of patriarchal pop culture, she is a rebel against it.
Firstly, Kat openly identifies as a feminist (”Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers”), which was pretty unusual for a character in a pre-Mean Girls romcom. She reads Plath and bemoans the lack of women on her syllabus- she is angry about things she has a right to be angry about, such as "the oppressive patriarchal values that dictate our education”. Other interests of hers include “Thai food, feminist prose and angry girl music of the indie rock persuasion.” What more could you want?
She’s clever and funny and talented; she stands up for herself and what she believes in and STILL manages to get Heath Ledger to sing “I love you baby” to her- and when he fucks up, she boots a football at him and his pals, which is pretty cool too. She threw away her popularity to be herself, telling her sister "I’m a firm believer in doing something for your own reasons and not someone else’s.” And if that’s not the pure essence of being a feminist, I don’t know what is.
The thing that’s bothering me about the case of Hannah Smith (a girl who killed herself after receiving nasty messages on ask.fm, in case you didn’t know) is the way people are directing all their outrage at ask.fm because of its feature that lets you send messages anonymously. Yeah, the anonymity is a tool and sometimes even an incentive for people to send abusive messages that they wouldn’t normally send, but the actual content of the messages is the real underlying problem. ask.fm also traced the IP addresses of the messages and found that 98% of them were sent by Hannah herself (I don’t know whether this was 98% of the abusive messages or 98% of all the messages). Her dad spoke about how she was being bullied at school already and the online abuse was just part of it, but the thing about 98% of the messages being from herself is being brushed under the carpet a bit (I mean people on Facebook and Twitter who’ve spoken about her, because some people I know irl knew her). I mean, I don’t really like speculating on the cause of people’s suicides too much, but I’m guessing she was already being bullied and was using the account to try to indirectly ask for help because it was too daunting to do it in real life. So I don’t understand why, instead of campaigning to have ask.fm and other websites with anonymous messaging features shut down, there isn’t more of a focus on discouraging bullying in general. And whenever there is a campaign, it’s always focused on the victim of the bullying telling an adult or ringing a helpline, it’s never addressed to the actual bullies telling them not to be so cruel and spiteful to people and reminding them what behaviour is appropriate and what isn’t, because I think people genuinely need reminding sometimes (I speak from personal experience because I’ve definitely done things which, upon reflection, were wrong but I didn’t realise at the time because I wasn’t looking at my behaviour in that way at that age). Which means that the responsibility is directed towards the victim which is wrong because no-one should have to be taught how to deal with bullying, because it shouldn’t happen in the first place. I know that sounds really idealistic and yeah, you should be equipped to deal with things like that so that they don’t get worse, but in pretty much all the cases you hear, people who bully other people get away with it completely and nothing really comes of it. I know because of the nature of it, it’s hard to prove and they often use tactics that make it sound really trivial or menial when reported formally, like the tone of voice they use or saying something sarcastically or asking ‘innocent’ questions that are obviously meant to be provocative, but I think people just need to wake up to it a bit more, and actually listen to people when it’s happening rather than going into full-scale moral panic when it’s too late and using smaller, less significant factors as a scapegoat for the bigger problems that are harder to deal with.